


Good enough

by Porcelaintub



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Crutchie (Newsies) Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How many self-somethings are there?!, Hurt Crutchie (Newsies), Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jack Kelly is a good boyfriend, M/M, Nightmares, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Loathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27946352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Porcelaintub/pseuds/Porcelaintub
Summary: Crutchie is woken up by a nightmare in the middle of the night. Jack is there to comfort him and old memories from the day they first met come back up.I'm bad at summaries.
Relationships: Crutchie & Jack Kelly, Crutchie/Jack Kelly
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Good enough

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags for trigger warnings!  
> This is my first story? one shot? whatever... so please have mercy.

Crutchie presses his face into Jack's chest, hot tears streaming down his reddened cheeks.

What did he do to deserve all this, to deserve him? He knows that the strong arms that keep him safe every night should hold someone else, so why him?

He lost Jack. He left him behind again, but the worst part is that to Crutchie, Jack's decision feels completely reasonable.

When you dream, most of the time, what you saw seems absurd as soon as you wake up. But these are different. 

Because even now, no matter what he does or wishes for, he'll never be good enough.

_ 'You ain't gotta be good enough for nobody, you know? What does that even mean? Good enough...' _

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here and I ain't goin' nowhere." Jack soothingly runs a hand through his hair.

"Right by your side." An ugly sob escapes Crutchie's mouth. He doesn't deserve him. One day his biggest fear will come true. Jack will suddenly wake up and see Crutchie the way he sees himself.

_ 'Maybe you won't ever be good enough. But what does it matter? I won't neither.' _

Jack has always been too good for him. Selfless and kindhearted, putting everyone else first all the time, just like when he first met him. 

Crutchie was fourteen when he took him in. During that faithful night, Jack saved his life. Something he'll never be able to repay.

_ 'There's always gonna be someone smarter than you. Or more talented or stronger or faster. Whatever. But no one will ever be better than you at bein', well, you. At least that's what Medda told me. She'd love you, say you're a sweet kid.' _

He greets him with a charming smile and loving hug every day after work, and in those very moments, he feels like he matters for once. 

When Jack plays with his hair and presses soft kisses to his temple when he simply holds him tight in their penthouse safe from judging eyes, Crutchie feels like he actually deserves a place in this cruel world. 

_ 'So do that instead. Instead of chaisin' after someone you ain't ever gonna reach, find your own pace and your own way.' _

"You left. You was gone," Chrutchie mumbles into Jack's shirt. He can't lose him. Jack became a part of Crutchie and made him whole.

"Shhhh...it was just a dream. I ain't leavin' ever."

_ 'Find somethin' to hold onto. Something that helps bein' the best you that you can be. Whether that's a person or a thing or a place, like in my case.' _

"I could never. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I'd be a fool to throw that away. All we got, our future together." The cold wind blows around them high up on the rooftop, and Jack pulls him closer just like two years ago.

Their future. They planned to go to Santa Fe together one day. Far away from New York and all the painful memories associated with it.

_ 'Because jumpin' can't be the answer, you hear me, kid? If you want, you can stay here with me. If you want my help, I'm gonna be there, okay?'  _

"I love you more than anything. We'll be there for each other. You and me, we'll beat this world side by side." How can he possibly love the wreck that's left of the person he once was? Now all that's left of him is a sobbing mess, refusing to go back to sleep out of fear that the one he loves most will be gone when he wakes up.

_ 'The others are nice too. They'll like you for sure. Oh, the name is Jack Kelly, by the way.' _

But he has to trust Jack. He needs to believe that Jack would never lie to him. That's all he can hold onto. 

"Can you promise me?" Crutchie manages to say, his voice shaking.

_ 'If you stay, I won't leave you alone like your folks did, got it? Then you ain't gonna get rid of me no more.' _

"I promise," Jack says with so much genuineness and love in his voice that shudders run down Crutchie's spine. 

_ 'We're gonna get you out there together. One day you're gonna smile again, for sure. There's a life that's worth the livin', and you'll find it somehow.' _

That promise is like a lifeline to him, something he can hold onto. Even when the world falls apart and everything bursts into flames, Jack will be there.

_ 'Till then, just hold on, kid. I'll be there right by your side.' _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it.  
> If you liked it, please leave kudos or a comment. That would be great!


End file.
